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argurotoxosI recently finished After School Nightmare, a 10-volume manga by Mizushiro Setona. I originally thought this recommendation came from Kun, but it must have been from browsing TVTropes. After School Nightmare is a very psychological series; all of the main characters are junior high students who must deal with internal struggles ranging from gender identity, rape, depression, domineering parents, and mental disorders. In order to graduate, the students have weekly shared dreams (or, more properly, nightmares) and cannot keep from exposing their true forms to each other. In each nightmare, a key that can be used to graduate is hidden inside one of the student's bodies.
One sequence from the nightmares that really stayed with me featured a high-achieving girl who felt she gave so much of herself she was only a shell and didn't have her own identity. Her appearance in the nightmare world was her regular self, but with a gaping hole where her face should be. After much despair, she throws herself off a roof in the nightmare. Instead of dying, however, she lands on the earth and feels the wind, and the grass, and breathes. She realises in that quiet moment that she is alive. Her face appears where the gaping hole used to be. The moment is beautifully understated and powerful, portrayed more through the art than words. She graduates shortly after, apparently at peace for the first time in many months.
Mizushiro's art is appealing, and she is adept at telling one experience from different characters' points of view, with all viewpoints feeling understandable. Her characters are multifaceted and their interpersonal relationships are complex.
Ichijo Mashiro, the main character and our guide to this world, is intersex -- he presents himself* as male and has a flat chest, but female genitals. Most of the series focuses on his initial shame over not being 'fully male' and his struggle over whether he is, or wants to identify as, male or female. 'I'd always thought I wanted to be a guy. I looked up to them. Watched them from afar. I thought the world guys lived in was far more beautiful. More expansive. Stronger. I thought it was full of opportunities. I was dreaming. But dreams have no substance . . . So, it felt beautiful to me. I never wanted to be a girl. There was nothing to admire about it. I saw nothing but problems and hurt. I didn't want to have that dream. Maybe because, somewhere in my heart . . . I knew I was a girl. I blamed everything I didn't like about myself . . . on that.' [from volume 8, chapter 29] Ichijo's perspective changes several times over the series** as he grows in self-knowledge and confidence.
There are a few things about the ways gender is treated that make me cringe, but are completely believable. 'You do X, and only girls do X, so you must really be a girl.' Ichijo has two romantic interests over the course of the series, one male and one female; both have many nuances and are complicated on both sides, but Ichijo tends to identify more male with his female partner and more female with his male partner. It's not that I don't find that plausible, but there's no discussion of homosexuality or bisexuality. (His female partner makes the claim that Ichijo's using her to feel male.) Overall, though, I was pleased with the characters and thought their reactions and struggles rang true.
I was going to give After School Nightmare a glowing recommendation, but the last two volumes - particularly the twist ending - curtailed my enthusiasm somewhat. It's still an enjoyable series and so refreshing to see these types of characters in manga (or any medium, for that matter -- there can always be more transgender, intersex, or psychologically complex characters), but I didn't feel the story paid off quite as much, or in the ways, that I'd hoped. Still, this is the first manga I've read to the end and really liked in several years.
Kudos to my local library and the interlibrary loan system for having all the volumes available.
*I'm using male pronouns as that's what the manga - or at least the English translation - uses.
**[Spoilers] Ichijo's thought process near the end of the series becomes closer to: 'Regardless of whether I'm a guy or a girl . . . I finally understand . . . my task is to be who I am.' [volume 10, chapter 38] However, at the very end she appears as a female.
One sequence from the nightmares that really stayed with me featured a high-achieving girl who felt she gave so much of herself she was only a shell and didn't have her own identity. Her appearance in the nightmare world was her regular self, but with a gaping hole where her face should be. After much despair, she throws herself off a roof in the nightmare. Instead of dying, however, she lands on the earth and feels the wind, and the grass, and breathes. She realises in that quiet moment that she is alive. Her face appears where the gaping hole used to be. The moment is beautifully understated and powerful, portrayed more through the art than words. She graduates shortly after, apparently at peace for the first time in many months.
Mizushiro's art is appealing, and she is adept at telling one experience from different characters' points of view, with all viewpoints feeling understandable. Her characters are multifaceted and their interpersonal relationships are complex.
Ichijo Mashiro, the main character and our guide to this world, is intersex -- he presents himself* as male and has a flat chest, but female genitals. Most of the series focuses on his initial shame over not being 'fully male' and his struggle over whether he is, or wants to identify as, male or female. 'I'd always thought I wanted to be a guy. I looked up to them. Watched them from afar. I thought the world guys lived in was far more beautiful. More expansive. Stronger. I thought it was full of opportunities. I was dreaming. But dreams have no substance . . . So, it felt beautiful to me. I never wanted to be a girl. There was nothing to admire about it. I saw nothing but problems and hurt. I didn't want to have that dream. Maybe because, somewhere in my heart . . . I knew I was a girl. I blamed everything I didn't like about myself . . . on that.' [from volume 8, chapter 29] Ichijo's perspective changes several times over the series** as he grows in self-knowledge and confidence.
There are a few things about the ways gender is treated that make me cringe, but are completely believable. 'You do X, and only girls do X, so you must really be a girl.' Ichijo has two romantic interests over the course of the series, one male and one female; both have many nuances and are complicated on both sides, but Ichijo tends to identify more male with his female partner and more female with his male partner. It's not that I don't find that plausible, but there's no discussion of homosexuality or bisexuality. (His female partner makes the claim that Ichijo's using her to feel male.) Overall, though, I was pleased with the characters and thought their reactions and struggles rang true.
I was going to give After School Nightmare a glowing recommendation, but the last two volumes - particularly the twist ending - curtailed my enthusiasm somewhat. It's still an enjoyable series and so refreshing to see these types of characters in manga (or any medium, for that matter -- there can always be more transgender, intersex, or psychologically complex characters), but I didn't feel the story paid off quite as much, or in the ways, that I'd hoped. Still, this is the first manga I've read to the end and really liked in several years.
Kudos to my local library and the interlibrary loan system for having all the volumes available.
*I'm using male pronouns as that's what the manga - or at least the English translation - uses.
**[Spoilers] Ichijo's thought process near the end of the series becomes closer to: 'Regardless of whether I'm a guy or a girl . . . I finally understand . . . my task is to be who I am.' [volume 10, chapter 38] However, at the very end she appears as a female.
